aku yg bengap

aku so far zenkatouchoku (on-call that covers all dept) baru 5 kali je kot...
x termasuk la on-calls tuk dept yg rotate masa tu...yg tu mmg tak terkire...

entah la apsal...

tiap kalo aku zentatouchoku mesti dtg AMI or AP...

aku actually excited gak bile dtg cardiovascular patients...
psl bleh belajar byk...

my first AMI patient during zenkatouchoku...

was handled by cardiac surgery dept...

selalunye cardiovascular dept...entah la apsal ari tu lain sikit...

i was supposed to do posting at cardiovascular in feb and march...

tp psl dept ni bz tahap gaban n plg awal bleh balik pun around 11pm...

aku terpaksa kansel posting mintak tukar ke allergy n rheumatology dept...

n kebetulan lak...

cardiovascular dept yg selama ni tak pernah putus2 dpt HO...

xde HO tuk bulan feb n march...

so everyone at the dept knew that that foreign doctor named sufi decided to cancel her posting to a less stressing dept...

dah la foreign doctor yg bernama sufi ni aku sorang je...

so bile cardiovascular sensei nampak aku kat kyuugai (emergency outpatient clinic)...

abih diaorg tanya aku soalan mcm2...

so ari ni ada AMI dtg...

a taxi driver who was referred by a small hospital...

sampai2 terus amik ECG n mmg ada ST elevation in leads II, III n AVF...
n ada reciprocal changes in other leads...
tu mmg aku tau...

sensei yg dtg sensei perempuan...punya la cun...
elegant lak tu (except that she's got bad toenails...hekhekhek)...

asked me...
what kind of disease that you have to exclude when you see ST-elevation?...

aku pun jawab la endocarditis...

n then she asked me how do you differentiate endocarditis from ischemic heart disease by ECG?...

aku paham soalan dia n tau jawapan somehow...tp aku tak tau camne nak jawab...

aper gi...geleng kepala la dia...
tp she was kind enough to explain...

then, she asked me another question...

what kind of complications are expected from AMI?...

tu pun aku tau gak jawapan dia...

tp aku diam je...blur tahap gaban....

lg la dia geleng kepala....

n she said...

kalo ACLS ni ko dah kena dah marah ni...
neway, what is the first thing you must do when you see an AMI patient?...

aku tergamam lak...
xpaham soalan dia...
maksud dia dr mana aku patut pikir tu...

aku pun jawab al 'check his vital signs first'...

lg la sensei tu geleng kepala dia...

morphine, aspirin, nitroglycerin etc...

bg ubat kat dia dulu to decrease the patient's blood pressure if he's hypertensive...
n ubat ni kan also help dilate the coronary arteries to improve blood flow and reduce symptoms...

la...she meant by that ke....



aduihhhhh.....

sememangnye aku bengap...
and aku yg bengap will be turning 2nd year HO soon in a week time...
and aku plak kena ajar 1st year HO nanti...
aiseh...

ganbare sufi...
ganbare sufi...

counting the days

i can't believe it...
that in another few more days...
i would be saying sayonara...probably for good...
to chiba-dai...

what grudges do i have against this university that i just can't help to show everyone how happy i am to leave it at last?...

nothing to be honest...

yeah...

counting the days...

for that day...

when i would say goodbye to chiba-dai to come.........

at last, i finally understood

when i was young,
my father was hardly at home...
to be honest, i can't even recall how he looked like during his youthful years...
all i can recall are the moments spent with my mom...

my mom was beautiful...even though she is still now...
and she was always there whenever we needed her...even though she is still now...

but how about my father?
he always came home with a red face, always flushed with anger...
he was always impatience...
he couldn't tolerate his children well...
he didn't bother to spend time with his children...

i almost thought that i hated my father...
for bullying my mother and treating her more like a maid than a woman...
for not even trying to play his part as a father...

he was always busy with his work...
work and work and work...
was the only thing my father was obsessed with...

but that was how i thought of my father at that time...

but was my father actually being negligence of his children?
did he think that work was more important than his family?

i was young...
i did not understand...
i was naive...
i did not even try to understand...

what my father was trying to do...

now that i am a mother,
not just a mother...
but a working mother and a wife...
who has put aside all her interests and is trying her best to protect her family...

it has taken me almost 27 years to understand...
and i can't help myself but to cry...
everytime i think of how cruel i was...
for having such thoughts against my father...

yes,
my father has always love each of us dearly...
but he has never been good at showing off his affections...
working himself hard...
was and is still the only protection and love he could provide us...

it takes awhile...
quite awhile...
for one to understand one's parents...
the reasons behind their actions and behaviours...

only when you are in their position...
that you get to understand them thoroughly...

i guess...
will danial have to go through the same thing i had gone through?
and if danial ends up going through what i had gone through...
i pray to ALLAH,
that he will understand one day...
even if it will take years...
as it did with me...
that his mom was like that...
because she loves him so much...

ya ALLAH, bless my parents and let them belong among the people You love most...amin....