at last, i finally understood

when i was young,
my father was hardly at home...
to be honest, i can't even recall how he looked like during his youthful years...
all i can recall are the moments spent with my mom...

my mom was beautiful...even though she is still now...
and she was always there whenever we needed her...even though she is still now...

but how about my father?
he always came home with a red face, always flushed with anger...
he was always impatience...
he couldn't tolerate his children well...
he didn't bother to spend time with his children...

i almost thought that i hated my father...
for bullying my mother and treating her more like a maid than a woman...
for not even trying to play his part as a father...

he was always busy with his work...
work and work and work...
was the only thing my father was obsessed with...

but that was how i thought of my father at that time...

but was my father actually being negligence of his children?
did he think that work was more important than his family?

i was young...
i did not understand...
i was naive...
i did not even try to understand...

what my father was trying to do...

now that i am a mother,
not just a mother...
but a working mother and a wife...
who has put aside all her interests and is trying her best to protect her family...

it has taken me almost 27 years to understand...
and i can't help myself but to cry...
everytime i think of how cruel i was...
for having such thoughts against my father...

yes,
my father has always love each of us dearly...
but he has never been good at showing off his affections...
working himself hard...
was and is still the only protection and love he could provide us...

it takes awhile...
quite awhile...
for one to understand one's parents...
the reasons behind their actions and behaviours...

only when you are in their position...
that you get to understand them thoroughly...

i guess...
will danial have to go through the same thing i had gone through?
and if danial ends up going through what i had gone through...
i pray to ALLAH,
that he will understand one day...
even if it will take years...
as it did with me...
that his mom was like that...
because she loves him so much...

ya ALLAH, bless my parents and let them belong among the people You love most...amin....