仲間はずれ

aku ni sememangnye tak baper sociable...
masa aku kecik2 pun...

kalo ada nak pi rumah org ke...
kena attend wedding ke...

i would be the last person to prepare...

so imagine la...
bapak aku yg garang tahap gaban tu...

camne dia selalu mengamuk...

sometimes i would tell my dad...
that i didn't want to go to such events...

not that i hate attending such events...
i just don't like being in the crowd...
mungkin ada masalah phobia kot...

my mom understood me quite well...
that i am not sociable...
and that i am not good at making friends...

walaupun aku ni nampak je cam friendly psl cakap banyak...

tp aku actually penat tul...
bile bercakap ngan org...
dah la tak ingat aper yg aku cakap...
psl cakap byk betul...

n since i am very outspoken...
i know i am very good at hurting other people's feelings...

sebab tu kot...
aku tak baper suka pi majlis2...

dok kat rumah atau spend time on my own lg elok...
takde la aku cakap banyak...
takde la aku mengumpat...
takde la aku bercakap kosong...
takde la aku sakitkan ati org...

if i know how to control myself...
then that is a different question la kot...
but once the switch is on...
those who know me very well... tau je la kan...
how insensitive i can be...
dah aku ni jenis kalo org ejek aku...
aku akan ejek balik tahap gaban...
probably that's the good side of me being an outspoken person...

psl aku ingat dulu...
ramai suruh aku tolong sound org yg ejek diaorg...
aku bleh sound atau ejek n kalo kena ejek balik pun...
aku jarang rasa tersinggung...

仲間はずれ

nak kata aku suka dipisahkan dr org lain takde la gak...
sometimes i feel lonely...
sometimes i have that feeling of in need of someone...
tp that feeling usually doesn't last more than a minute..。

entahlah...
bile aku tgk gambar2 budak chiba...
yg pi berjln sakan sana sini...

kdg2 tak diajak...
rasa tersinggung tu ada la gak tp aku rasa diaorg buat dek tak ajak psl tau aku sibuk keje...
tp that feeling last for awhile je...
pastu aku akan rasa nasib baik tak diajak...
God knows what nonsenses would come out from my mouth if i were to join them...

仲間はずれ

mungkin aku nak cuba sedapkan ati...
tp sememangnye aku ni lain from org lain...
i am not feminine...
tak minat soap operas cam korean dramas ke love stories ke...
aku tak minat fashion...
aku tak minat shopping walaupun aku suka bags (cuma aku tak beli sgt psl i can live with the same bag for years)...
aku tak minat masak2 cam ibu2 lain kat chiba ni...

being different ni probably the reason why i don't feel comfortable mixing with people...

tp aku suka actually...
berkawan ngan sume org...
enjoy talking with people...
tp tu la...dah selalu ckp nonsense...
pastu menyesal tak sudah2....

aduih....

entahlah...
aku ni mmg 仲間はずれ...